letter to myself

Driving around today going to appointments and running errands I thought about myself for a few minutes.  I came home did some cleaning, worked on dinner, and let my thoughts drift away with the music from days long gone. If I could have written myself a letter and some how got it to myself at 13 what would I have said. Here is what I came up with:

Jessy,

Things seem terrible now but keep your chin up it is worth it! All the pain and heartache will be paid back to you in with all the love and blessings.  Evil people lurk everywhere in this world don't let them take away from you the best things you have. Your faith, joy, and innocence are beautiful gifts. You are only a victim if you let them have the upper hand on you.

Keep on keeping on,
Jessy

Jessy, 
Girl, 14 is fun! Stop holding on to those ambers that keep burning your heart. Live! You can't see it now, but everyone loves you! Embrace it instead of dwelling on your hurt. I promise you, you don't have to try, you are loving, you care, you are spunky, and fun. Focus on that, never leave the little guy behind. GO TO CLASS even if you are bored! Colleges don't care about your potential or how well liked you are just what's on that paper at the end.

Love your life,
Jessy

Jessy,  wow 15! Congratulations you are still with us. Hey I know you think you are in love and he is an awesome guy, but doll he's going to leave you and while it's going to hurt savour it while he's here. Enjoy this summer with him, ignore the rumors, you know they aren't true and don't feel the need to make them true. When he leaves you when school lets back in don't take it so hard. Stay his friend after you have had your time to heal. Trust me you have forever touched his heart and left a glowing smile, but if you push it will take a long time to build back a friendship with him. Now the rebound from him gets interesting. Brace yourself its a wild spiral of a ride. Don't lose yourself.

You got this,
Jessy

Jessy, you sure you are only 16? You have taken some interesting paths here. First off, just because you seem to have the bad boy that all the girl swoon over around your finger doesn't mean you should. You got hurt, don't jump back into a relationship so fast. You need longer to be you, just you, not you and him. You are not going to listen to me or anyone else though so listen to this. You are going to hurt yourself more then you have ever hurt before, but don't cast out your friends because you took a new path. You will never get this back. You will lose all the people that adore and admire you for a guy. Just be you! Stop striving to be societies normal, you broke that mold, don't conform to it, you are worth so much more then you think.

GO TO CLASS!
Jessy

Jessy,  well hey most people don't become adults or parents for several more years, but congratulations on your pregnancy in 2.5 months. While you are going to make so many more FLAT OUT FOOLISH mistakes, partially because you are a CHILD and have no right making adult decisions,  you are going to have to lay down in the bed you make. Not that you ever do, but don't blame anyone else for your struggles and pain. Focus on that little baby, she is going to be your saving grace. Be quick to say you are sorry and rebuild those bridges full heartedly with family and friends. Do not lose your faith, no matter how much pain you have don't let it break your spirit. Things do change, people don't usually unless they want it.

God speed beautiful,  I'll be praying for you
Jessy

So, 18, dropped out of high school, gave up on all your dreams, hate your life, no real friends or family. Your mom is the only person who still thinks you have hope and you are pregnant again. It is going to get worse before it gets better. One of the best decisions you make in a good while is to tell that doctor to shove it when they try pressure you. My only advice is to stop taking that medication. Doctors do not know everything and keep your faith. You are going to need it. Tell your dad what he means to you. He will go to bat for you when you feel helpless. You are daddy's little girl after all.

Pray more often,
Jessy

19, I told you that doctors don't know everything! He's got some health issues, but isn't he beautiful. He is the sweetest and loving baby! People snub their noses at you so often. Things can't seem to get worse. Your pain is mental and physical. You hurt so bad, but don't lose hope. Those babies need you so much. PRAY! God is on your side! Dream!  God is listening! He knows. You are worthy! feel like you have nothing left including yourself. It may be true,  but God, those babies, and your mom are rooting for you! Give it to God. He will make light at the end of the tunnel.

You are not worthless
Jessy

20, I told you there was light at the end of the tunnel. He is the one. He cares about your dreams and happiness. It will not always be sunshine and rainbows, but never doubt his love. He has been hurt and jaded so don't compare. He will stand by you no matter what. He will choose you. This is the best thing. You have lived through a lot of hurt, but that isn't his fault. Feel the sunshine on your skin again.  Learn to live again.  You have so many journeys to look forward to. Rebuild you. Be the you, you dreamed of. Build your family happy and strong.

Smile,
Jessy

P.s. see you off the path, around a corner and down a dirt road. Spoiler you graduate high school! Congratulations!