letter to myself

Driving around today going to appointments and running errands I thought about myself for a few minutes.  I came home did some cleaning, worked on dinner, and let my thoughts drift away with the music from days long gone. If I could have written myself a letter and some how got it to myself at 13 what would I have said. Here is what I came up with:

Jessy,

Things seem terrible now but keep your chin up it is worth it! All the pain and heartache will be paid back to you in with all the love and blessings.  Evil people lurk everywhere in this world don't let them take away from you the best things you have. Your faith, joy, and innocence are beautiful gifts. You are only a victim if you let them have the upper hand on you.

Keep on keeping on,
Jessy

Jessy, 
Girl, 14 is fun! Stop holding on to those ambers that keep burning your heart. Live! You can't see it now, but everyone loves you! Embrace it instead of dwelling on your hurt. I promise you, you don't have to try, you are loving, you care, you are spunky, and fun. Focus on that, never leave the little guy behind. GO TO CLASS even if you are bored! Colleges don't care about your potential or how well liked you are just what's on that paper at the end.

Love your life,
Jessy

Jessy,  wow 15! Congratulations you are still with us. Hey I know you think you are in love and he is an awesome guy, but doll he's going to leave you and while it's going to hurt savour it while he's here. Enjoy this summer with him, ignore the rumors, you know they aren't true and don't feel the need to make them true. When he leaves you when school lets back in don't take it so hard. Stay his friend after you have had your time to heal. Trust me you have forever touched his heart and left a glowing smile, but if you push it will take a long time to build back a friendship with him. Now the rebound from him gets interesting. Brace yourself its a wild spiral of a ride. Don't lose yourself.

You got this,
Jessy

Jessy, you sure you are only 16? You have taken some interesting paths here. First off, just because you seem to have the bad boy that all the girl swoon over around your finger doesn't mean you should. You got hurt, don't jump back into a relationship so fast. You need longer to be you, just you, not you and him. You are not going to listen to me or anyone else though so listen to this. You are going to hurt yourself more then you have ever hurt before, but don't cast out your friends because you took a new path. You will never get this back. You will lose all the people that adore and admire you for a guy. Just be you! Stop striving to be societies normal, you broke that mold, don't conform to it, you are worth so much more then you think.

GO TO CLASS!
Jessy

Jessy,  well hey most people don't become adults or parents for several more years, but congratulations on your pregnancy in 2.5 months. While you are going to make so many more FLAT OUT FOOLISH mistakes, partially because you are a CHILD and have no right making adult decisions,  you are going to have to lay down in the bed you make. Not that you ever do, but don't blame anyone else for your struggles and pain. Focus on that little baby, she is going to be your saving grace. Be quick to say you are sorry and rebuild those bridges full heartedly with family and friends. Do not lose your faith, no matter how much pain you have don't let it break your spirit. Things do change, people don't usually unless they want it.

God speed beautiful,  I'll be praying for you
Jessy

So, 18, dropped out of high school, gave up on all your dreams, hate your life, no real friends or family. Your mom is the only person who still thinks you have hope and you are pregnant again. It is going to get worse before it gets better. One of the best decisions you make in a good while is to tell that doctor to shove it when they try pressure you. My only advice is to stop taking that medication. Doctors do not know everything and keep your faith. You are going to need it. Tell your dad what he means to you. He will go to bat for you when you feel helpless. You are daddy's little girl after all.

Pray more often,
Jessy

19, I told you that doctors don't know everything! He's got some health issues, but isn't he beautiful. He is the sweetest and loving baby! People snub their noses at you so often. Things can't seem to get worse. Your pain is mental and physical. You hurt so bad, but don't lose hope. Those babies need you so much. PRAY! God is on your side! Dream!  God is listening! He knows. You are worthy! feel like you have nothing left including yourself. It may be true,  but God, those babies, and your mom are rooting for you! Give it to God. He will make light at the end of the tunnel.

You are not worthless
Jessy

20, I told you there was light at the end of the tunnel. He is the one. He cares about your dreams and happiness. It will not always be sunshine and rainbows, but never doubt his love. He has been hurt and jaded so don't compare. He will stand by you no matter what. He will choose you. This is the best thing. You have lived through a lot of hurt, but that isn't his fault. Feel the sunshine on your skin again.  Learn to live again.  You have so many journeys to look forward to. Rebuild you. Be the you, you dreamed of. Build your family happy and strong.

Smile,
Jessy

P.s. see you off the path, around a corner and down a dirt road. Spoiler you graduate high school! Congratulations!

Autumn

Happy fall 2013!

     I've been looking forward to this since winter last year. We already have our fire pit dugout for those crisp evenings in the back yard. If the weather is good we are going to camp out in the yard next weekend. Traditionally the 1st day that has a hi under 75 we strike up the fire pit and under 65 we make chili.
     Those of you that follow my Facebook page know that we will be changing curriculums starting today. I personally am very excited.
     Girl scouts, boy scouts, 4-H, and now a book club are all in full swing and taking a lot of time up, but I love seeing how much the kids are enjoying it all. They are all so eager to start a new adventure as soon as we finish one. We have also perused pen pals again.  Sara and Kayley have started writing the same pen pals as last year, but Sara would like a second pen pal (she is almost 8). If you have a child that maybe interested please contact me on our blog fan page on facebook.
      We have pumpkin patches, pioneer exhibits, lots of lapbooks, our traditional family apple day, mini golf, and hopefully a fall festival on the agenda for this fall. We can't wait to share it all with you. I hope to have the pictures up from our backwoods camping trip this week.

Backwoods learning- homeschool style

     Friday morning we left out to go off grid camping and it was just what the doctor ordered for our bogged down family!  The 1st night there the kids learned about building a camp fire and fire safety.  We had snake and beans! Michael killed it and showed the kids how to skib and gut it. They also learned how to pitch a tent made from their ponchos and liners.  The second day we went fish. The kids caught all our bait and collected freshwater clams for dinner. We washed the clothes in the lake, hung them to dry, did cemetery tombstone rubbings, went hiking,  had s'mores for dessert and took shifts keeping the fire going all night! It was so wonderful and we didn't hear any complaints til it was time to break up camp on the 3rd day. I wish we could have stayed longer.

     The second night when we stayed up to tend the fire I took the 1st shift from 8pm to 1am with Sara as my buddy. It was wonderful getting to stay up and spend time with just my oldest baby and have no distractions. We talked about God and the bible. She said sometimes she misses me because we are so busy but that she's glad we are homeschooling now because she gets to spend so much more time together as a family.  She also said she is excited that we are finally moving home to the farm next summer. It is amazing the things you hear when all the buzzing stops and you can just listen to the little ones around you. She reinforced my decision to homeschool them. I love them so deeply.

     I took over the cloverbuds program for the homeschooling groups 4-H club and our 1st meeting was tonight. I really enjoyed it and loved seeing my kids interact with other kids. The parents were pretty awesome too! There is some really neat kids in the group and I loved all the participation we had. I can't wait til our next meeting! 

    I finished and received my career diploma finally for auto mechanic. I am excited and happy to say I had a 4.0!

Nothing that comes easy is worthwhile

First off I am sorry for not keeping up with the blog the last two weeks. Everything has been so hectic that I've barely had a chance to breath.

Girl scouts and boy scouts are back in full swing! We have also hooked up with the homeschool co-op and 4H. I have taken on being the leader for the clover buds. I have my SATs on the 16th of October and our anniversary at the end of this month. 

School is great on most days but we sure are busy. I'm excited about this upcoming week in school.  We add a little more substance and some really cool projects. I think we may need to start getting up earlier though. I would like to keep it where we finish school by lunch time.

Today we went on a 4 mile walk at the Clarksville Greenway!  The kids actually did pretty wonderful.  Logan who is usually the one to start complaining first did not complain one bit and Sara ran most of the way. I sure hope with fall around the corner we can do more outside activities, but with my husband's injuries and doctor appointments we will have to see how it goes.

Speaking of fall, I am excited that it is getting close. I am ready to break out the hoodies and fire pit. Autumn is by far my favorite season and we have several "extra-curricular" activities I'm dying to do with the kids.

I have been so tired from all the running that I just melt into bed at night and think "why do I do this? Why do I run myself ragged every day til I ache and hurt and mentally exhausted"! Well because if it was easy it wouldn't be worth it and my babies are very much worth it.

Kicking off the school year!

This was our 1st full week of homeschooling and it was GREAT!

I loved it and feel my kids and I are getting better bonding time. We have so many things going on for the kids here in the near future. We have girl scouts,  boy scouts,  4H, and possibly cheer and dance.  Whoa am I going to be tired running around nonstop.

We will be doing some major downsizing over the next several months. We will be moving into the camper and RV on the farm while we build our house. It sure will be interesting on rainy days, but there will be plenty of room to run and things to do.

I really do love our curriculum this year, but I'm thinking we need to have an online program next year with the space restrictions we will be facing, so affordable suggestions are welcome.

We also will be getting rid of a lot of our winter clothes. It does not get very cold back home. 2 hoodies and a couple long sleeve shirts is all we will really need for the winter, but the rest of the year is extra hot.

Any who, this weeks high lights for the kids were making popsicle stick houses and rock monsters!  The kids loved it. We also took dirt samples mixed it with water and talked about parts of soil.

My oldest son's 6th birthday was yesterday and the kids had a blast. We had a water balloon fight and made homemade pizza together.  It was delicious!  Friday evening Logan went to a swim party and met his new "den" for tiger scouts.  Then we took him to have ice cream just mommy, daddy, and him. He is growing up so fast it is hard to believe. It is hard to believe he was that tiny little baby with birth defects that the doctor tried so hard to convince me to abort. I am so glad I don't believe in abortion and that my oldest baby is here today and what a blessing he is! Also, defect free now minus a minor speech impediment.

Getting things done

We should be connected to the internet today finally. I'm excited about it. We will be back on track with school and have tv again via Netflix and hulu. I use a lot of online resources for homeschooling as well.

I am about half way through setting up my school room again as well. I'm greatly hoping to finish it today during naptime. We did some school while we were traveling, but Monday kicks off full swing school days.  We have girl scouts on Tuesday and a field trip to the fire station on Wednesday. MOPS kicks off the 1st Wednesday in September and will have a homeschooling room this year due to popular demand. We will also be celebrating Logan's 6th birthday the last weekend of this month.

We will be moving into our camper trailer and an RV we are buying from a friend of ours while we build our house at the farm. It will be an interesting adventure but we are excited to start a new chapter. Since we won't have the room for a lot we will be selling off a good amount of our belongings and the rest will go to storage. It's bunker down time around here, but we will enjoy our time left here as well.

In September we are planning a trip to Dollywood and the Nashville zoo in October, I would like to go camping the beginning of November and have a tea party for Kayley's birthday mid November.  December will be fun. We have Michael Wayne's birthday and Christmas. Michael Wayne wants to go fishing but that would be awfully cold, but I think we could swing a "fishing" themed party. Sara wants a princess dance party. Then we have a nice long stretch til Tonka's birthday.

The temperature is starting to cool down here. I am excited for fall to be here. Brisk mornings, the fire pit, coffee on the porch, changing colors, and chili. Fall is by far my favorite season. It is chilly but not to cold to enjoy the outdoors.

I hope you enjoy this beautiful day.

Laugh it off!

"Mommy are you ok, you're crying"
"Yes Sara I'm fine, just frustrated and nothing is going in my favor"
"You've got us and I love you to the moon and back"

I've got some amazing children.
I can't pretend things are always wonderful and smooth sailing.  I stray away from the things I know are truth and doubt the blessings I've been given out of my own foul mood and insecurities. At the end not a single thing that got under my skin mattered even slightly.

A super wonderful friend of mine who came into a ready made family (adjusted smoothly and extra happy I might add) was telling me this evening about her daughter clogging the toilet up twice in less then a month. She's an amazing woman who very rarely complains about ANYTHING, so the fact that she mentioned it at all was very significant. I laughed it off and said welcome to mommihood. I could have said something more encouraging after I thought about it.

Just a couple weeks I had one of those moments where I look back now and go geez I was a jerk and seriously what was I even mad about? I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed extra early, my two year old was also irritable, my 3 year old refused to go to the potty like a big girl, everyone coped an attitude, the pretty well trained puppy peed in his crate, the baby peed down my side after I had just changed, I burned breakfast and was running late for my errands. Of course my cell phone would not stop going off and I felt compelled to respond to my electronic leash. If I could of laughed it off it would have improved the day for everyone, besides I didn't really want to wear that shirt anyway and no one even noticed Thomas wiped peanut butter in my hair. None of it mattered and we lost a day together that will never come back.