Changing winds...

It is cold here in northern middle Tennessee, but that sure has not slowed us down.  We are more busy then ever. The kids and I leave Tennessee to head to Texas on the 20th of this month. We are in downsizing, packing, and cleaning mode. We will be living with my grandma for a few months, either until Michael joins us or until middle July. Which ever comes first. After leaving my grandma's house we will all be moving into an RV while we focus on the start of our house. 

I am going to school full time right now. I'm considering putting the kids into public school as soon as we get to Texas or finishing out the year and then just starting them back in public school in the fall.

I am still very leery about settling down in this specific town, but it is the most stable idea. I'm not sure if my discomfort comes from the unknown scars of the place, my thoughts of disadvantage, the thought of rooting my gypsy spirit in one place, the lack of a fresh start, or my fear of losing something I'm not sure I ever really had. I pray God protects us as we move into this uncertainty. It is however very exciting. New chapters in my book of life has always had a sense of adventure and mystery, two things that excites my very being. Will we sink or swim?

Things for the move seem to be falling into place. There is great hope that we will be getting a truck and trailer for the farm at a wonderful deal. Two very important items for the farm. Once we move and Michael finishes our lease here in Tennessee,  we will hopefully have a good amount saved to get our septic and electric ran at the farm.

We had some paperwork that had to be taken care of, but I think everything is squared away and ready to go.

Thomas is picking up words like a champ. When Michael rejoins us in Texas I think he will be impressed with Thomas's vocabulary.  I sure am going to miss that man while we are apart again. It was a little less than a year ago that we had gotten him back from his last deployment with the Army. Now we prepare to separate again, but on a different set of circumstances. Hopefully communication will be better this time around. 

I greatly look forward to spending time with my grandma and my best friend in Texas though. They are two of the best people I know. Also another one of my favorite people will be here for a visit tomorrow!  I am excited!

Birthday fun

My younger daughter, Kayley, turned 4 Wednesday. We won't be celebrating it til Saturday though. The plan is to have a Minnie mouse tea party for her birthday. Tomorrow morning I will be baking pink and purple sugar cookies.

For Logan's last birthday we had pizza, ice cream, and a water balloon fight. Next year is going to be tough for his birthday because we will just have moved again. We will probably have a party for him in Rockport being that we have family there and it's a good midpoint from us and the rest of the family.

Poor Michael Wayne, he always seems to get the short straw being that his birthday is so close to Christmas. I have hopes that once we get settled at the farm and lay down some roots that things will be different for all the kids.

Tonka's birthday wasn't much to holler about but everyone was happy that daddy made it home for his 1st birthday.

Sara has always had a lot of friends which made it easy to have a party for her. Last years was a bust because everyone was sick and daddy was deployed, but we will make it up this year. The big 8! Hard to believe that little baby that turned my world upside-down when I was 17 will be 8 in 2 months! Both girls said they want horses for their birthdays. Ha! Sorry girls not this time around.

Sara also says she wants to learn to train horses like daddy does :D. My kids make me proud every day. This week,  Logan wants to be a fire fighter in Texas, Michael Wayne wants to be a police officer, Sara wants to be a horse trainer,  Kayley wants to be a farmer. I want to be a kid when I grow up lol. Dream big babies, then reach out and grab it!

Tonka seems to be picking up a new word at least every other day. I am so proud of him, but it breaks my heart that my last little baby is growing so very fast and there won't be any more little ones to cuddle. It hurts but the future is bright as we open new chapters for each one of them. 

A good, valuable friend of mine cut the girls and my hair recently. She did an absolute wonderful job. I really like my cut and both girls look gorgeous. Sara complies to the request to brush her hair and Kayley's curls are bouncy and free. I find that my hair is a lot more manageable now too. I took probably close to 8 inches off.

Our time tables for going home may have changed some. Only time will tell, sooner then later though. So much to do and so little time to achieve it in. 

30 day Facebook challenge

My husband and I decided that Facebook was taking up to much of my time so I'm Facebook detoxing. The only reason you will see this on my blog fan page is because I can post it from my phone without logging on to it. So 30 days with no facebook and I will be re-amping my look. If I can't stick it out it's $100 in motorcycle parts for him. Wish me luck we are on day 4 now.

We switched up our curriculum a little again too. We will continue with all in one homeschooling for reading and math, but going back to Abeka for history, health, and science. We shall see how that goes for now. I'm also looking into Classic Curriculum for reading and math along side Ray's Arithmetic and Mcguffey Readers. I would like to move away from relying heavily on the internet for school because I don't know how much access we will have at the farm in the beginning. 

Last night the girls and boys spent the night at friends' houses and Michael and I went out on a dinner date and dancing. It was wonderful even if we didn't get home til after 4 and were up by 7 to take the kids to a rodeo. It was a lot of fun with some pretty great people.  I didn't feel quite so old for once even if my husband has a big mouth at times when he should bite his tongue. However, I am so glad that is not a weekly reoccurring ritual. I very much enjoy hanging out with my kids and, funny enough, take comfort in my to do list waiting for me every day. I like my no makeup, mix matched socks, loose fitting t-shirts, and hair up in a bun. I love kissing my husband in the kitchen when he comes to pick at what I'm cooking. I love holding sleeping babies and watching my children grow. 

My oldest sister Jenny, just moved to a city closer to where our farm is in Texas.  Hopefully, she will become a more active part of the kids and my life once we get all moved back next year. I am honestly considering moving back home sooner then later. First, I really miss my other sister, Heather, who is also my best friend. Not to mention my niece and nephew. Second,  I really want to spend more time with my grandma then I really think I will get to this summer. It feels like it will be rushed. Third, I want to get a garden in the ground this spring so that we will have a good harvest come fall time when my husband will be joining us.

Heather called me today to tell me she replaced her car's alternator pretty much by herself. I'm so proud of her. She did a real good job. Not that I have to, but it makes me worry a little less about my loved ones when I know they have the knowledge to be less co-dependent on other people for help. Like paying a mechanic to simply replace an alternator. I think it's a waste for such an easy task and a lifesaver at times to be self sufficient. 

letter to myself

Driving around today going to appointments and running errands I thought about myself for a few minutes.  I came home did some cleaning, worked on dinner, and let my thoughts drift away with the music from days long gone. If I could have written myself a letter and some how got it to myself at 13 what would I have said. Here is what I came up with:

Jessy,

Things seem terrible now but keep your chin up it is worth it! All the pain and heartache will be paid back to you in with all the love and blessings.  Evil people lurk everywhere in this world don't let them take away from you the best things you have. Your faith, joy, and innocence are beautiful gifts. You are only a victim if you let them have the upper hand on you.

Keep on keeping on,
Jessy

Jessy, 
Girl, 14 is fun! Stop holding on to those ambers that keep burning your heart. Live! You can't see it now, but everyone loves you! Embrace it instead of dwelling on your hurt. I promise you, you don't have to try, you are loving, you care, you are spunky, and fun. Focus on that, never leave the little guy behind. GO TO CLASS even if you are bored! Colleges don't care about your potential or how well liked you are just what's on that paper at the end.

Love your life,
Jessy

Jessy,  wow 15! Congratulations you are still with us. Hey I know you think you are in love and he is an awesome guy, but doll he's going to leave you and while it's going to hurt savour it while he's here. Enjoy this summer with him, ignore the rumors, you know they aren't true and don't feel the need to make them true. When he leaves you when school lets back in don't take it so hard. Stay his friend after you have had your time to heal. Trust me you have forever touched his heart and left a glowing smile, but if you push it will take a long time to build back a friendship with him. Now the rebound from him gets interesting. Brace yourself its a wild spiral of a ride. Don't lose yourself.

You got this,
Jessy

Jessy, you sure you are only 16? You have taken some interesting paths here. First off, just because you seem to have the bad boy that all the girl swoon over around your finger doesn't mean you should. You got hurt, don't jump back into a relationship so fast. You need longer to be you, just you, not you and him. You are not going to listen to me or anyone else though so listen to this. You are going to hurt yourself more then you have ever hurt before, but don't cast out your friends because you took a new path. You will never get this back. You will lose all the people that adore and admire you for a guy. Just be you! Stop striving to be societies normal, you broke that mold, don't conform to it, you are worth so much more then you think.

GO TO CLASS!
Jessy

Jessy,  well hey most people don't become adults or parents for several more years, but congratulations on your pregnancy in 2.5 months. While you are going to make so many more FLAT OUT FOOLISH mistakes, partially because you are a CHILD and have no right making adult decisions,  you are going to have to lay down in the bed you make. Not that you ever do, but don't blame anyone else for your struggles and pain. Focus on that little baby, she is going to be your saving grace. Be quick to say you are sorry and rebuild those bridges full heartedly with family and friends. Do not lose your faith, no matter how much pain you have don't let it break your spirit. Things do change, people don't usually unless they want it.

God speed beautiful,  I'll be praying for you
Jessy

So, 18, dropped out of high school, gave up on all your dreams, hate your life, no real friends or family. Your mom is the only person who still thinks you have hope and you are pregnant again. It is going to get worse before it gets better. One of the best decisions you make in a good while is to tell that doctor to shove it when they try pressure you. My only advice is to stop taking that medication. Doctors do not know everything and keep your faith. You are going to need it. Tell your dad what he means to you. He will go to bat for you when you feel helpless. You are daddy's little girl after all.

Pray more often,
Jessy

19, I told you that doctors don't know everything! He's got some health issues, but isn't he beautiful. He is the sweetest and loving baby! People snub their noses at you so often. Things can't seem to get worse. Your pain is mental and physical. You hurt so bad, but don't lose hope. Those babies need you so much. PRAY! God is on your side! Dream!  God is listening! He knows. You are worthy! feel like you have nothing left including yourself. It may be true,  but God, those babies, and your mom are rooting for you! Give it to God. He will make light at the end of the tunnel.

You are not worthless
Jessy

20, I told you there was light at the end of the tunnel. He is the one. He cares about your dreams and happiness. It will not always be sunshine and rainbows, but never doubt his love. He has been hurt and jaded so don't compare. He will stand by you no matter what. He will choose you. This is the best thing. You have lived through a lot of hurt, but that isn't his fault. Feel the sunshine on your skin again.  Learn to live again.  You have so many journeys to look forward to. Rebuild you. Be the you, you dreamed of. Build your family happy and strong.

Smile,
Jessy

P.s. see you off the path, around a corner and down a dirt road. Spoiler you graduate high school! Congratulations!

Autumn

Happy fall 2013!

     I've been looking forward to this since winter last year. We already have our fire pit dugout for those crisp evenings in the back yard. If the weather is good we are going to camp out in the yard next weekend. Traditionally the 1st day that has a hi under 75 we strike up the fire pit and under 65 we make chili.
     Those of you that follow my Facebook page know that we will be changing curriculums starting today. I personally am very excited.
     Girl scouts, boy scouts, 4-H, and now a book club are all in full swing and taking a lot of time up, but I love seeing how much the kids are enjoying it all. They are all so eager to start a new adventure as soon as we finish one. We have also perused pen pals again.  Sara and Kayley have started writing the same pen pals as last year, but Sara would like a second pen pal (she is almost 8). If you have a child that maybe interested please contact me on our blog fan page on facebook.
      We have pumpkin patches, pioneer exhibits, lots of lapbooks, our traditional family apple day, mini golf, and hopefully a fall festival on the agenda for this fall. We can't wait to share it all with you. I hope to have the pictures up from our backwoods camping trip this week.

Backwoods learning- homeschool style

     Friday morning we left out to go off grid camping and it was just what the doctor ordered for our bogged down family!  The 1st night there the kids learned about building a camp fire and fire safety.  We had snake and beans! Michael killed it and showed the kids how to skib and gut it. They also learned how to pitch a tent made from their ponchos and liners.  The second day we went fish. The kids caught all our bait and collected freshwater clams for dinner. We washed the clothes in the lake, hung them to dry, did cemetery tombstone rubbings, went hiking,  had s'mores for dessert and took shifts keeping the fire going all night! It was so wonderful and we didn't hear any complaints til it was time to break up camp on the 3rd day. I wish we could have stayed longer.

     The second night when we stayed up to tend the fire I took the 1st shift from 8pm to 1am with Sara as my buddy. It was wonderful getting to stay up and spend time with just my oldest baby and have no distractions. We talked about God and the bible. She said sometimes she misses me because we are so busy but that she's glad we are homeschooling now because she gets to spend so much more time together as a family.  She also said she is excited that we are finally moving home to the farm next summer. It is amazing the things you hear when all the buzzing stops and you can just listen to the little ones around you. She reinforced my decision to homeschool them. I love them so deeply.

     I took over the cloverbuds program for the homeschooling groups 4-H club and our 1st meeting was tonight. I really enjoyed it and loved seeing my kids interact with other kids. The parents were pretty awesome too! There is some really neat kids in the group and I loved all the participation we had. I can't wait til our next meeting! 

    I finished and received my career diploma finally for auto mechanic. I am excited and happy to say I had a 4.0!

Nothing that comes easy is worthwhile

First off I am sorry for not keeping up with the blog the last two weeks. Everything has been so hectic that I've barely had a chance to breath.

Girl scouts and boy scouts are back in full swing! We have also hooked up with the homeschool co-op and 4H. I have taken on being the leader for the clover buds. I have my SATs on the 16th of October and our anniversary at the end of this month. 

School is great on most days but we sure are busy. I'm excited about this upcoming week in school.  We add a little more substance and some really cool projects. I think we may need to start getting up earlier though. I would like to keep it where we finish school by lunch time.

Today we went on a 4 mile walk at the Clarksville Greenway!  The kids actually did pretty wonderful.  Logan who is usually the one to start complaining first did not complain one bit and Sara ran most of the way. I sure hope with fall around the corner we can do more outside activities, but with my husband's injuries and doctor appointments we will have to see how it goes.

Speaking of fall, I am excited that it is getting close. I am ready to break out the hoodies and fire pit. Autumn is by far my favorite season and we have several "extra-curricular" activities I'm dying to do with the kids.

I have been so tired from all the running that I just melt into bed at night and think "why do I do this? Why do I run myself ragged every day til I ache and hurt and mentally exhausted"! Well because if it was easy it wouldn't be worth it and my babies are very much worth it.