Changing winds...

It is cold here in northern middle Tennessee, but that sure has not slowed us down.  We are more busy then ever. The kids and I leave Tennessee to head to Texas on the 20th of this month. We are in downsizing, packing, and cleaning mode. We will be living with my grandma for a few months, either until Michael joins us or until middle July. Which ever comes first. After leaving my grandma's house we will all be moving into an RV while we focus on the start of our house. 

I am going to school full time right now. I'm considering putting the kids into public school as soon as we get to Texas or finishing out the year and then just starting them back in public school in the fall.

I am still very leery about settling down in this specific town, but it is the most stable idea. I'm not sure if my discomfort comes from the unknown scars of the place, my thoughts of disadvantage, the thought of rooting my gypsy spirit in one place, the lack of a fresh start, or my fear of losing something I'm not sure I ever really had. I pray God protects us as we move into this uncertainty. It is however very exciting. New chapters in my book of life has always had a sense of adventure and mystery, two things that excites my very being. Will we sink or swim?

Things for the move seem to be falling into place. There is great hope that we will be getting a truck and trailer for the farm at a wonderful deal. Two very important items for the farm. Once we move and Michael finishes our lease here in Tennessee,  we will hopefully have a good amount saved to get our septic and electric ran at the farm.

We had some paperwork that had to be taken care of, but I think everything is squared away and ready to go.

Thomas is picking up words like a champ. When Michael rejoins us in Texas I think he will be impressed with Thomas's vocabulary.  I sure am going to miss that man while we are apart again. It was a little less than a year ago that we had gotten him back from his last deployment with the Army. Now we prepare to separate again, but on a different set of circumstances. Hopefully communication will be better this time around. 

I greatly look forward to spending time with my grandma and my best friend in Texas though. They are two of the best people I know. Also another one of my favorite people will be here for a visit tomorrow!  I am excited!

Birthday fun

My younger daughter, Kayley, turned 4 Wednesday. We won't be celebrating it til Saturday though. The plan is to have a Minnie mouse tea party for her birthday. Tomorrow morning I will be baking pink and purple sugar cookies.

For Logan's last birthday we had pizza, ice cream, and a water balloon fight. Next year is going to be tough for his birthday because we will just have moved again. We will probably have a party for him in Rockport being that we have family there and it's a good midpoint from us and the rest of the family.

Poor Michael Wayne, he always seems to get the short straw being that his birthday is so close to Christmas. I have hopes that once we get settled at the farm and lay down some roots that things will be different for all the kids.

Tonka's birthday wasn't much to holler about but everyone was happy that daddy made it home for his 1st birthday.

Sara has always had a lot of friends which made it easy to have a party for her. Last years was a bust because everyone was sick and daddy was deployed, but we will make it up this year. The big 8! Hard to believe that little baby that turned my world upside-down when I was 17 will be 8 in 2 months! Both girls said they want horses for their birthdays. Ha! Sorry girls not this time around.

Sara also says she wants to learn to train horses like daddy does :D. My kids make me proud every day. This week,  Logan wants to be a fire fighter in Texas, Michael Wayne wants to be a police officer, Sara wants to be a horse trainer,  Kayley wants to be a farmer. I want to be a kid when I grow up lol. Dream big babies, then reach out and grab it!

Tonka seems to be picking up a new word at least every other day. I am so proud of him, but it breaks my heart that my last little baby is growing so very fast and there won't be any more little ones to cuddle. It hurts but the future is bright as we open new chapters for each one of them. 

A good, valuable friend of mine cut the girls and my hair recently. She did an absolute wonderful job. I really like my cut and both girls look gorgeous. Sara complies to the request to brush her hair and Kayley's curls are bouncy and free. I find that my hair is a lot more manageable now too. I took probably close to 8 inches off.

Our time tables for going home may have changed some. Only time will tell, sooner then later though. So much to do and so little time to achieve it in. 

30 day Facebook challenge

My husband and I decided that Facebook was taking up to much of my time so I'm Facebook detoxing. The only reason you will see this on my blog fan page is because I can post it from my phone without logging on to it. So 30 days with no facebook and I will be re-amping my look. If I can't stick it out it's $100 in motorcycle parts for him. Wish me luck we are on day 4 now.

We switched up our curriculum a little again too. We will continue with all in one homeschooling for reading and math, but going back to Abeka for history, health, and science. We shall see how that goes for now. I'm also looking into Classic Curriculum for reading and math along side Ray's Arithmetic and Mcguffey Readers. I would like to move away from relying heavily on the internet for school because I don't know how much access we will have at the farm in the beginning. 

Last night the girls and boys spent the night at friends' houses and Michael and I went out on a dinner date and dancing. It was wonderful even if we didn't get home til after 4 and were up by 7 to take the kids to a rodeo. It was a lot of fun with some pretty great people.  I didn't feel quite so old for once even if my husband has a big mouth at times when he should bite his tongue. However, I am so glad that is not a weekly reoccurring ritual. I very much enjoy hanging out with my kids and, funny enough, take comfort in my to do list waiting for me every day. I like my no makeup, mix matched socks, loose fitting t-shirts, and hair up in a bun. I love kissing my husband in the kitchen when he comes to pick at what I'm cooking. I love holding sleeping babies and watching my children grow. 

My oldest sister Jenny, just moved to a city closer to where our farm is in Texas.  Hopefully, she will become a more active part of the kids and my life once we get all moved back next year. I am honestly considering moving back home sooner then later. First, I really miss my other sister, Heather, who is also my best friend. Not to mention my niece and nephew. Second,  I really want to spend more time with my grandma then I really think I will get to this summer. It feels like it will be rushed. Third, I want to get a garden in the ground this spring so that we will have a good harvest come fall time when my husband will be joining us.

Heather called me today to tell me she replaced her car's alternator pretty much by herself. I'm so proud of her. She did a real good job. Not that I have to, but it makes me worry a little less about my loved ones when I know they have the knowledge to be less co-dependent on other people for help. Like paying a mechanic to simply replace an alternator. I think it's a waste for such an easy task and a lifesaver at times to be self sufficient. 

letter to myself

Driving around today going to appointments and running errands I thought about myself for a few minutes.  I came home did some cleaning, worked on dinner, and let my thoughts drift away with the music from days long gone. If I could have written myself a letter and some how got it to myself at 13 what would I have said. Here is what I came up with:

Jessy,

Things seem terrible now but keep your chin up it is worth it! All the pain and heartache will be paid back to you in with all the love and blessings.  Evil people lurk everywhere in this world don't let them take away from you the best things you have. Your faith, joy, and innocence are beautiful gifts. You are only a victim if you let them have the upper hand on you.

Keep on keeping on,
Jessy

Jessy, 
Girl, 14 is fun! Stop holding on to those ambers that keep burning your heart. Live! You can't see it now, but everyone loves you! Embrace it instead of dwelling on your hurt. I promise you, you don't have to try, you are loving, you care, you are spunky, and fun. Focus on that, never leave the little guy behind. GO TO CLASS even if you are bored! Colleges don't care about your potential or how well liked you are just what's on that paper at the end.

Love your life,
Jessy

Jessy,  wow 15! Congratulations you are still with us. Hey I know you think you are in love and he is an awesome guy, but doll he's going to leave you and while it's going to hurt savour it while he's here. Enjoy this summer with him, ignore the rumors, you know they aren't true and don't feel the need to make them true. When he leaves you when school lets back in don't take it so hard. Stay his friend after you have had your time to heal. Trust me you have forever touched his heart and left a glowing smile, but if you push it will take a long time to build back a friendship with him. Now the rebound from him gets interesting. Brace yourself its a wild spiral of a ride. Don't lose yourself.

You got this,
Jessy

Jessy, you sure you are only 16? You have taken some interesting paths here. First off, just because you seem to have the bad boy that all the girl swoon over around your finger doesn't mean you should. You got hurt, don't jump back into a relationship so fast. You need longer to be you, just you, not you and him. You are not going to listen to me or anyone else though so listen to this. You are going to hurt yourself more then you have ever hurt before, but don't cast out your friends because you took a new path. You will never get this back. You will lose all the people that adore and admire you for a guy. Just be you! Stop striving to be societies normal, you broke that mold, don't conform to it, you are worth so much more then you think.

GO TO CLASS!
Jessy

Jessy,  well hey most people don't become adults or parents for several more years, but congratulations on your pregnancy in 2.5 months. While you are going to make so many more FLAT OUT FOOLISH mistakes, partially because you are a CHILD and have no right making adult decisions,  you are going to have to lay down in the bed you make. Not that you ever do, but don't blame anyone else for your struggles and pain. Focus on that little baby, she is going to be your saving grace. Be quick to say you are sorry and rebuild those bridges full heartedly with family and friends. Do not lose your faith, no matter how much pain you have don't let it break your spirit. Things do change, people don't usually unless they want it.

God speed beautiful,  I'll be praying for you
Jessy

So, 18, dropped out of high school, gave up on all your dreams, hate your life, no real friends or family. Your mom is the only person who still thinks you have hope and you are pregnant again. It is going to get worse before it gets better. One of the best decisions you make in a good while is to tell that doctor to shove it when they try pressure you. My only advice is to stop taking that medication. Doctors do not know everything and keep your faith. You are going to need it. Tell your dad what he means to you. He will go to bat for you when you feel helpless. You are daddy's little girl after all.

Pray more often,
Jessy

19, I told you that doctors don't know everything! He's got some health issues, but isn't he beautiful. He is the sweetest and loving baby! People snub their noses at you so often. Things can't seem to get worse. Your pain is mental and physical. You hurt so bad, but don't lose hope. Those babies need you so much. PRAY! God is on your side! Dream!  God is listening! He knows. You are worthy! feel like you have nothing left including yourself. It may be true,  but God, those babies, and your mom are rooting for you! Give it to God. He will make light at the end of the tunnel.

You are not worthless
Jessy

20, I told you there was light at the end of the tunnel. He is the one. He cares about your dreams and happiness. It will not always be sunshine and rainbows, but never doubt his love. He has been hurt and jaded so don't compare. He will stand by you no matter what. He will choose you. This is the best thing. You have lived through a lot of hurt, but that isn't his fault. Feel the sunshine on your skin again.  Learn to live again.  You have so many journeys to look forward to. Rebuild you. Be the you, you dreamed of. Build your family happy and strong.

Smile,
Jessy

P.s. see you off the path, around a corner and down a dirt road. Spoiler you graduate high school! Congratulations!

Autumn

Happy fall 2013!

     I've been looking forward to this since winter last year. We already have our fire pit dugout for those crisp evenings in the back yard. If the weather is good we are going to camp out in the yard next weekend. Traditionally the 1st day that has a hi under 75 we strike up the fire pit and under 65 we make chili.
     Those of you that follow my Facebook page know that we will be changing curriculums starting today. I personally am very excited.
     Girl scouts, boy scouts, 4-H, and now a book club are all in full swing and taking a lot of time up, but I love seeing how much the kids are enjoying it all. They are all so eager to start a new adventure as soon as we finish one. We have also perused pen pals again.  Sara and Kayley have started writing the same pen pals as last year, but Sara would like a second pen pal (she is almost 8). If you have a child that maybe interested please contact me on our blog fan page on facebook.
      We have pumpkin patches, pioneer exhibits, lots of lapbooks, our traditional family apple day, mini golf, and hopefully a fall festival on the agenda for this fall. We can't wait to share it all with you. I hope to have the pictures up from our backwoods camping trip this week.

Backwoods learning- homeschool style

     Friday morning we left out to go off grid camping and it was just what the doctor ordered for our bogged down family!  The 1st night there the kids learned about building a camp fire and fire safety.  We had snake and beans! Michael killed it and showed the kids how to skib and gut it. They also learned how to pitch a tent made from their ponchos and liners.  The second day we went fish. The kids caught all our bait and collected freshwater clams for dinner. We washed the clothes in the lake, hung them to dry, did cemetery tombstone rubbings, went hiking,  had s'mores for dessert and took shifts keeping the fire going all night! It was so wonderful and we didn't hear any complaints til it was time to break up camp on the 3rd day. I wish we could have stayed longer.

     The second night when we stayed up to tend the fire I took the 1st shift from 8pm to 1am with Sara as my buddy. It was wonderful getting to stay up and spend time with just my oldest baby and have no distractions. We talked about God and the bible. She said sometimes she misses me because we are so busy but that she's glad we are homeschooling now because she gets to spend so much more time together as a family.  She also said she is excited that we are finally moving home to the farm next summer. It is amazing the things you hear when all the buzzing stops and you can just listen to the little ones around you. She reinforced my decision to homeschool them. I love them so deeply.

     I took over the cloverbuds program for the homeschooling groups 4-H club and our 1st meeting was tonight. I really enjoyed it and loved seeing my kids interact with other kids. The parents were pretty awesome too! There is some really neat kids in the group and I loved all the participation we had. I can't wait til our next meeting! 

    I finished and received my career diploma finally for auto mechanic. I am excited and happy to say I had a 4.0!

Nothing that comes easy is worthwhile

First off I am sorry for not keeping up with the blog the last two weeks. Everything has been so hectic that I've barely had a chance to breath.

Girl scouts and boy scouts are back in full swing! We have also hooked up with the homeschool co-op and 4H. I have taken on being the leader for the clover buds. I have my SATs on the 16th of October and our anniversary at the end of this month. 

School is great on most days but we sure are busy. I'm excited about this upcoming week in school.  We add a little more substance and some really cool projects. I think we may need to start getting up earlier though. I would like to keep it where we finish school by lunch time.

Today we went on a 4 mile walk at the Clarksville Greenway!  The kids actually did pretty wonderful.  Logan who is usually the one to start complaining first did not complain one bit and Sara ran most of the way. I sure hope with fall around the corner we can do more outside activities, but with my husband's injuries and doctor appointments we will have to see how it goes.

Speaking of fall, I am excited that it is getting close. I am ready to break out the hoodies and fire pit. Autumn is by far my favorite season and we have several "extra-curricular" activities I'm dying to do with the kids.

I have been so tired from all the running that I just melt into bed at night and think "why do I do this? Why do I run myself ragged every day til I ache and hurt and mentally exhausted"! Well because if it was easy it wouldn't be worth it and my babies are very much worth it.

Kicking off the school year!

This was our 1st full week of homeschooling and it was GREAT!

I loved it and feel my kids and I are getting better bonding time. We have so many things going on for the kids here in the near future. We have girl scouts,  boy scouts,  4H, and possibly cheer and dance.  Whoa am I going to be tired running around nonstop.

We will be doing some major downsizing over the next several months. We will be moving into the camper and RV on the farm while we build our house. It sure will be interesting on rainy days, but there will be plenty of room to run and things to do.

I really do love our curriculum this year, but I'm thinking we need to have an online program next year with the space restrictions we will be facing, so affordable suggestions are welcome.

We also will be getting rid of a lot of our winter clothes. It does not get very cold back home. 2 hoodies and a couple long sleeve shirts is all we will really need for the winter, but the rest of the year is extra hot.

Any who, this weeks high lights for the kids were making popsicle stick houses and rock monsters!  The kids loved it. We also took dirt samples mixed it with water and talked about parts of soil.

My oldest son's 6th birthday was yesterday and the kids had a blast. We had a water balloon fight and made homemade pizza together.  It was delicious!  Friday evening Logan went to a swim party and met his new "den" for tiger scouts.  Then we took him to have ice cream just mommy, daddy, and him. He is growing up so fast it is hard to believe. It is hard to believe he was that tiny little baby with birth defects that the doctor tried so hard to convince me to abort. I am so glad I don't believe in abortion and that my oldest baby is here today and what a blessing he is! Also, defect free now minus a minor speech impediment.

Getting things done

We should be connected to the internet today finally. I'm excited about it. We will be back on track with school and have tv again via Netflix and hulu. I use a lot of online resources for homeschooling as well.

I am about half way through setting up my school room again as well. I'm greatly hoping to finish it today during naptime. We did some school while we were traveling, but Monday kicks off full swing school days.  We have girl scouts on Tuesday and a field trip to the fire station on Wednesday. MOPS kicks off the 1st Wednesday in September and will have a homeschooling room this year due to popular demand. We will also be celebrating Logan's 6th birthday the last weekend of this month.

We will be moving into our camper trailer and an RV we are buying from a friend of ours while we build our house at the farm. It will be an interesting adventure but we are excited to start a new chapter. Since we won't have the room for a lot we will be selling off a good amount of our belongings and the rest will go to storage. It's bunker down time around here, but we will enjoy our time left here as well.

In September we are planning a trip to Dollywood and the Nashville zoo in October, I would like to go camping the beginning of November and have a tea party for Kayley's birthday mid November.  December will be fun. We have Michael Wayne's birthday and Christmas. Michael Wayne wants to go fishing but that would be awfully cold, but I think we could swing a "fishing" themed party. Sara wants a princess dance party. Then we have a nice long stretch til Tonka's birthday.

The temperature is starting to cool down here. I am excited for fall to be here. Brisk mornings, the fire pit, coffee on the porch, changing colors, and chili. Fall is by far my favorite season. It is chilly but not to cold to enjoy the outdoors.

I hope you enjoy this beautiful day.

Laugh it off!

"Mommy are you ok, you're crying"
"Yes Sara I'm fine, just frustrated and nothing is going in my favor"
"You've got us and I love you to the moon and back"

I've got some amazing children.
I can't pretend things are always wonderful and smooth sailing.  I stray away from the things I know are truth and doubt the blessings I've been given out of my own foul mood and insecurities. At the end not a single thing that got under my skin mattered even slightly.

A super wonderful friend of mine who came into a ready made family (adjusted smoothly and extra happy I might add) was telling me this evening about her daughter clogging the toilet up twice in less then a month. She's an amazing woman who very rarely complains about ANYTHING, so the fact that she mentioned it at all was very significant. I laughed it off and said welcome to mommihood. I could have said something more encouraging after I thought about it.

Just a couple weeks I had one of those moments where I look back now and go geez I was a jerk and seriously what was I even mad about? I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed extra early, my two year old was also irritable, my 3 year old refused to go to the potty like a big girl, everyone coped an attitude, the pretty well trained puppy peed in his crate, the baby peed down my side after I had just changed, I burned breakfast and was running late for my errands. Of course my cell phone would not stop going off and I felt compelled to respond to my electronic leash. If I could of laughed it off it would have improved the day for everyone, besides I didn't really want to wear that shirt anyway and no one even noticed Thomas wiped peanut butter in my hair. None of it mattered and we lost a day together that will never come back. 

Letting go...

     Sometimes it just seems like it's so much easier to just keep my mouth shut and let everyone blow smoke in the air. It really gets me how times have changed in a blink of an eye. 7 years ago I would have flipped out several times in the last week.
     I'm 25 years old, I've been on my own for a decade, I take care of my own children,  my own house,  and our religious and academic education.  Why do I need people telling what and how to conduct my life and children?  I will not have people telling me how things will be handled in my house.  It is between my husband and I, not every busy body in the world that wants to put their two cents in.
     I also don't like people playing favorites or saying they wish myself or my children were like someone else. You get what you see. I wouldn't ever want to be someone else or ask my children to change who they are to conform to someone else's mold. I want my children to look in the mirror and like who they see looking back at them. Hopefully one day I get there, I'm definitely on the right path though.
    I would have blown my top and acted very dramatic a few short years ago by the ignorant selfish things that have been said the last week on our "vacation" but the fight isn't worth it and we are going to take the higher road by not stooping. I won't be walked over but no use in fighting with someone set in their mind. You can only control your own life and how your story goes.
     We are at the farm now finally on our travels.  The closer this gets the more uncertain I am. At this point praying is all I can do. Tomorrow we are off to the cow palace and auction house that hopefully puts me in a good mood.

*drum roll* Decisions have been made

First off, sorry I haven't been around lately. We've been gearing up for our trip to Texas (T- 2days) and to start our school year. It sure has been hectic. I have bags to pack, dogs to bathe, paperwork to turn in, and and the truck to load still. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

We have made a few decisions that we set the course for how things will go in the next couple months (more like 2ish years). As some of y'all know we will be homeschooling for the 1st time this year. We are very excited about this new course. Pray it goes well for us and that the kids adapt easily.

I have stopped selling paparazzi accessories and will not be returning to the company.  It is a good company, but not for us. We have other business ideas brewing.

We have been very stressed trying to figure out where we will live upon my husband's term ending with the Army. We have decided to buy a used travel trailer or RV to live in at the farm until we can afford and build our house. Everything nonessential will be put into storage until we are ready and have the space. We will probably sell off a lot of thing before we move.

The kids and I will leave to Texas in June and spend a few months with my grandma and mother til my husband can join us in September or October.

The next year will be extra busy, but I'm excited to be prepping for the next chapter in our lives together as a family. 

Sara, my oldest baby, lost her 1st tooth last night!!!!

Facebook Love!!!

Off the path, around the corner, and down a dirt road

I have a fan page now!!! Follow it and share! Thank you everyone for reading and all your support! 

Life's battle buddies

     I've heard my husband and dad both talk about the importance of battle buddies. Both honorable trained men they would die for and seemingly untrained men that "are going to get someone killed". Either way these service members have to depend on each other to try and make it home alive. Some times that result is out of the hands of their buddies hands, but I've never heard of a service member say oh well suit yourself just get yourself shot. There IS someone their for back up.
     I have never been to war. I cannot compare my life's darkest days to what some of our soldiers have seen.  However, I do have a few battle buddies that have proven no matter what they are my back up. We have been through some scary days together and they never duck tail and ran like so many "friends" have. One even took a beating a few times to protect me. Another has never left me feeling empty and alone even though I'm sure she's rolled her eyes and thought oh my goodness drop the sob story already. One has been my mentor for a very long time now. I respect her opinion and wisdom. The last one lives a life a lot different then mine it's been so many years since our lives went in the same direction but I can call on her any time and she can identify with me and "talk me off the edge" of insanity without a coat of sugar.
     I am not related to any of them by blood nor have they replaced my affection for my mother or sister, but they have been my battle buddies through this life. They have been that hand up when I felt to weak to get up off the floor and dust myself off. Sometimes they gently helped me up and encouraged me to keep going, some times we've stumbled together and fell in the whole. It's a lot easier to get out of a whole when you aren't working alone. Other times it was more like a punch in the face to sober the mind. Nonetheless I've not been alone to struggle in silence in so long that most of the scars from those days have healed.
     They are mothers and sisters in their own right. They have husbands and homes that they are committed to tending. They laugh and cry and have their life roller coasters like everyone else. I try my best to be there for them in anyway possible,  but often feel I can never repay the blessings they have been to my life.
     If you find yourself a battle buddy like mine count yourself among the few blessed people. They deserve your respect and loyalty. It's something you don't just give up cause the path you are walking forks from theirs. We don't talk daily at times not even monthly but I've never doubted that if I reached out to them I would find a hand to help. Y'all rock my world and keep me moving forward. I truly love y'all. 

The American Dream

     Once upon a time the picture everyone saw of the American dream was an upper middle class family dressed nicely, the father wore a button down dress shirt and carried a briefcase.  The mother stayed home, kept the perfect house, wore pearls and heels around the house. The two kids was an older boy head of the varsity football team and the daughter was a cheerleader and prom queen. Some people still see this as the American dream,  others see riches and possessions.
     I have to say I don't see that at all, but I think we've achieved it. Last night we sat out by the fence of the grandstand of the the West Kentucky State Fair watching the fireworks holding my husband's hand while the kids squealed in excitement. This morning I got up, cleaned up some, baking buttermilk biscuits and making sausage gravy while my love built rabbit cages I thought to myself we are working on the American dream, our dream. My house is never "clean". The laundry hamper always has clothes in it. We always live pay check to pay check,  and the Lord knows we are in debt. However, we are a close happy family.  Even on our rockiest days no one thinks of leaving.  We have a roof over our head, good homemade food in our bellies,  running water, electric, warm in the winter, cool in the summer. We laugh more then once a day and make memories together. 
     Even with the future storms unseen and walking out onto uncharted waters we have the American dream.  We love, laugh, and are happiest hand in hand. We have horses, cows, rabbits, dogs, cats, and when we get where ever we are going we have plans for chickens and possibly goats.
     Even though we didn't have money to do the rides or games we had a wonderful time at the fair last night. I miss my oldest two, they would have been in love with it all and the are growing up so incredibly fast. I want to hold them as long as possible and make as many memories as possible so that when they grow up they can say they lived the American dream,  something that most people only see in their minds late at night then wake in the misery they've created themselves.
     We are truly blessed to have an abundance of people that love us and have weathered the chapters of life with us providing they are strong enough to love.
     Now I will be back with y'all when there is time, but our dream needs tending and the dishes are calling me. Be blessed y'all. 

Busy work

     Do you ever find yourself doing so much STUFF but really none of it is necessary?  That about sums up this past weekend, it was enjoyable but not necessary. Friday I went to a friend's house and learned some basic crocheting. Saturday we went to the flea market,  the farmers market, picked up our new rabbit,  and went out to work with our horses. Sunday we went to rual king, tractor supply, and back out to see the horses. To be honest most of that running around wasn't necessary and today I'm making up for it. Lots of cleaning and projects need to be done around here being that today and tomorrow are the only days I will catch a break probably til we go to Texas the beginning of August. I'm in need of a lot less noise in the future. There is a few things I'd like to share with y'all about my weekend.
     Saturday at the flea market we stopped at a booth that was selling some beautiful aprons (one of my obsessions). We were just "window" shopping, but striked up a conversation. At the end of it she handed me a flyer for her shop and said "You seem like the kind of person that would really appreciate reading this". The flyer read:

         Willow Stitch Aprons by Grandee (931) 648-0472

The History of Aprons

I don't think our children know what an apron is. The principal use of Grandma's aprons was to protect the dress underneath but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was used for cleaning out dirty ears. From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.

When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids. When the weather was cold, Grandma wrapped it around her arms. Those big aprons wiped many a perspiring brow. Bent over the hot wood stove. Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen with that apron.

From the garden,  it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls. In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.

When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.

When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to eat.

It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that old-time apron that served so many purposes.

Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool... her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw... some would go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs were on that apron but I can only think that the only thing ever caught from Grandma's apron was genuine love and support. (Author unknown)

Thank you for purchasing an apron - no one in this big world has one exactly like it - I hope it plays a part in making many happy memories.

     This got me thinking about all the wonderful memories of my grandmas. I believe I got the best of both worlds with them.
     My ShaSha (my father's mother) was a very gentle soft spoken woman with a very caring heart. While I really can't remember her in the kitchen very much she took much care into making her granddaughters feel like princesses.  Every time we were there we were treated like royalty.  Manicures,  pedicure,  hair styled, facials, grandma's special shampoo and her special box of toys just for her granddaughters.  She really knew how to make a little girl feel special and pretty.  She was kind to everyone and rarely ever stern. My word to I miss that jewel and wish she was still around for my girls to know her. Her personality was breath taking. 
      My Memaw (my mother's mom) was much more strict of a person but just as valuable of staple in my memory and childhood. She was that grandma that seemed to know everything about everything.  I spent many days watching her work diligently in the garden,  kitchen,  and gathered with us all in the sewing/craft room. I still have not learned as much as I can from her. She is one of the reasons I am excited to move back to Texas. I can't wait to spend holidays and summers with her making all those timeless memories I hope to pass on to my children. As years have passed and I have grown as a person she has become more of a wise companion and less of an authority figure that always told me to eat my food, go to bed, and listen to my mom.
     I wish I had appreciated them both more when I was younger and in the midst of making those sweet childhood memories.
      We did get our new rabbit this passed weekend. She is a pretty gray rabbit with a single white foot and a spunky personality. I think she will be a good fit for our family. 
     After busting behind all morning I finally don't feel like my house is a pig sty even with so much more work to be done. I wouldn't have a heart attack if someone rang the door bell anymore.  I don't expect perfection with our house full, but tripping over toys and more then a sink of dish is out of line in this house.
      It is raining today and I must admit I have greatly enjoyed it. The sounds of it on the roof is soothing and the drop in temperature is very comfortable. It is good for my soul and a stress release. I watched a bright beautiful red cardinal play in a puddle on the drive way and wished I had been out there playing in the water with my kids. I didn't dare to wake my herd from their naps though.
     Now I leave y'all for a while to play with hot wheels, finish my duties,  and enjoy the companionship of my lover.  I hope y'all find peace in y'alls day. Be blessed

Finally a day of rest...

     Today besides making meals and making our rounds feeding and watering the animals and pets we have done NOTHING!  This is such a rare occurrence but we sure needed it. I had to drag my behind to the store, but that's all we got on the agenda. Just piddle with making some lures and pricing leather stamps. Hopefully we will have something to show y'all in the next week or so.

     Tomorrow I've got a photo shoot and I'm excited.  Out in the forest,  I've got a few ideas for it and then we are just going to run with it. I think in the middle of July I'll do a mechanic setup with my bronco. I really like this photographer for independent pictures and she's very affordable. I'm kind of sad she is moving to Hawaii in August.

     My sister sent me a link to a Facebook page where a conversation about parents' putting their teen daughters on birth control. I don't agree with messing with a woman's hormones unless it is to help correct an imbalance, especially a young girl whose body is not fully developed.  Teach them how to make responsible decisions and if they still make a bad judgment call it is not the end of the world. It does make it harder but can still be a blessing. I finally graduated high school at 21 while 6 months pregnant with my 3rd baby. I wouldn't trade the life I have to go back and make sure I wasn't a teen mom. Some of the best (and happiest) moms I know became parents early on. I definitely don't think teen parenthood is a good thing that should be encouraged, but I can see the mixed messages we are sending our youth these days. A lot of teens get treated like trash for getting pregnant yet tv idolizes a lot of the teens that really should not even be called a parent. 

     Anyway! I think I'm going to take a nice long soak in a hot bath and listen to a little Randy Travis. Y'all have a blessed evening and keep on rocking it to that sweet country tune.

A mommy moment :)

     Last night I accidentally left my phone in the car after we got home from working with the horses. Around 8:30 I went to look for it. I realized I had a message from my best friend and her husband and several missed calls from them.  They watch my older two kids when they are in Texas visiting their father when he works.  My heart sank and I feared the worse.  I called them to find out that they had been crying that they missed me and really wanted to talk to me before going to bed. Goodness was I relieved and touched. I miss my babies so much. Just a few more weeks til I have them back with me and I'm hopeful that I'll be in Texas to watch them myself next summer.

     Things are rough right now but we are doing our best to pull through and stay positive. It will all work out. It is going to be October before we can breathe again but it will be worth it to turn the chapter and start transitioning to setting up a new life.

     Yesterday was my mother's birthday.  I called and sang happy birthday to her. I really miss my family.  Hopefully being back in Texas will mean I get to be more involved in all my family's lives.

     Once we get back from Texas in August my love will start the process of transitioning to civilian life. He is hoping to get his resume out and get a good paying job before we get out. A job already inline would take a lot of stress off us.

     Every marriage has its issues.  Lately I've been seeing a lot of marriage suffer and end right in front of me. I sympathise with the people involved,  I was once there. I am over it now,  but that doesn't mean I forgot how bad it hurt then.  It is not just a break up it is the destruction of an entire family unit and it is worth morning over. I pray for their hurts to heal so that they can love and beloved again.  I know I'm blessed to finally be in a happy, healthy marriage and a strong family that loves.

Tomorrow is a new day...

     Today was utterly wretched and made for a lot more uncertainty. I spent a good part of today starring out the window thinking. I didn't even fish when we went out to the marina this afternoon.  We have fallen on hard times again. Seems like everytime things look hopeful we fall.

     However,  tomorrow is a new day. I plan on spending a good part of the morning (after breakfast of course) preparing the flower beds for a garden and with some focus and drive do some planting.  The plans for the afternoon is to go spend sometime with our horses.

     With everything going wrong right now I find it comforting to hear my babies' laughs and see them smile. I hope my bigger two loves are having a great time and comfortable. I love all my babies. Even through the storms I am blessed to have everyone of them in my life and wouldn't change them for the world.

     I am still determined to homeschool them next year. Not only do I think I can give them more personal attention and a better education I am thrilled at the chance to have them home with me and the chance to have a closer knit family.  I have so many ideas and fun activities I'd like to do with them. Coming up with school supplies for a while is going to be a struggle but I'm sure everything will work out one way or another. 

    I have a few ideas that could possibly help out our current dilemma,  but I'm not sure yet. They are all in the brain storming process still. I'm just praying that God will make it clear to me very soon where to go from here now.

Uncertainties

     Well plans for our day changed fast. My husband forgot to take one of the car seats out of his vehicle before leaving to work so the kids and I did laundry and worked in the school room for a good part of the day.

     Change is a very exciting thing that should, to an extent, be embraced with opened arms. Our family loves adventures and we try to look at change as a new journey. Sometimes,  it is not so easy to stay up beat and positive about change.

     For as long as we have been together the military has been part of our family. It is a steady pay check, a support system, and a chapter turner. They have allowed us to see different places and meet many different people.  Our time with the Army is coming to an end though. This time next year the kids and I will be back in Texas waiting for my love to return to us from wrapping things up here.

    The uncertainty of employment and providing for our family makes me very uneasy.  We are struggling now to make it after dealing with the move and everything that comes with it. I've been in worse but promised to never go back to those days. So it truly is leaving me very unsettled. 

     I've never been a go getter when it came to building relationships with people. As much as I'd like to give people the benefit of the doubt I've been burned too many times. It never really mattered in this life though.  If you didn't hit it off with people there just wait 9months to a year. Either you would move or the people around you would. We will be "setting down roots" which means if I don't click with the people I probably won't ever click.

     As uneasy as I am about everything the excitement is bubbling.  We will finally get out of the city and out in to the country with our family, cows, chickens, cat, dogs, horses, and rabbits. It has been our dream from the beginning to raise our kids in the country on our own land growing and building. We want to be able to look back and say hey this is all the way it is because we did it... together...

Motivation... or the lack there of...

     The three youngest and I are on our own again today since daddy is on detail. It is dreary and wet out. I am lacking the motivation to go clean the other house. This surely will be an interesting trip.

     This afternoon after I finish for the day over there I plan on finishing the dishes and rearranging some things around the house. A lot of things have been unloaded into the school room where the definitely don't belong.

     I have been meaning to speak to my husband about it, but we have just been so busy with the move, preparing for him to get out of the Army and finances. I am considering putting my vet technician on hold and enrolling in the Agriculture program being that it is truly what I wanted to study. Since it is an actual degree from an actual college. It might be more beneficial for our family. There is several courses we could take right now. The possibilities are endless. I really want us to have our own business, but my love seems leery. 

You called me a what!?!?

     Well our day is coming to a close. All the kids have been fed, washed, read to, and are presumed to be sleeping. My love has left for work and I've cleaned up the kitchen. I am about to pick up what will be my school room in about two weeks when I shift through all the boxes that are currently being stored in it then pull it together.  Currently I'm just sitting here watching my dogs run around the yard while I drink my coffee and thinking. 

     What does it mean to other women to be a wife? Is it ju jst something to pass your time? Is it a chore? Is it something you just felt was suppose to be such as growing up? Is it a friendship you share with someone? A title?  A label?  An entitlement? 

     I was young and confused as to what went into being a wife when I married my 1st husband. We were both to immature to take on a marriage and it all turned sour and left a terrible after taste in our mouths for a good while.  I've done a lot of healing and can enjoy life now with the title wife without resentment.  I pray he can move passed it one day and settle down.

    I married my husband very shortly after my divorce was final. It was about two years from leaving my ex husband to marrying my love. That may not seem like much and I probably still wasn't as ready for marriage as I could have been.  The 1st 3 years with my love was a struggle and we both had growing up to do and made mistakes and hurt each other. We did it all together though.  We worked together and grew together. We formed an amazing loving friendship. I adorn his last name because I am his, I belong to him and I belong with him.

     Our children are amazing and fun little people. We strive to give them wonderful childhoods and raise them to be polite, productive, with ethics and morals,  and joys to be around. They bring smiles to our faces and LOTS of sounds to our life. However, when everything is down to the black and white he is the reason I do what I do. He is why I cook, clean,  do the laundry,  clear the table, sweep,  make the bed, mow the yard, do the dishes,  etc. The kids don't care if the house is a mess, if they have clean clothes,  if we eat cereal 3 times a day, or if the grass comes to their chests. They just care that their tummies are full, that mommy and daddy loves them, and that they have something to smile about.

     My love keeps me sane, calm, and loving our life together.  In return for all the meaning he brings to my life I do my best to please him and make his life enjoyable.  I try to keep him happy, proud of us, I try to make his wants and needs important and possible.  I try to keep him smiling and laughing.  I try to put him before myself and follow his lead. Because of him daily I try to better myself. If I and good enough for an amazing person like him surely I have worth and meaning in my life. He is my lover.  He is my best friend. He is my support system.  He is my teacher.  He is my confidence at times. Because of him I am a wife.

     Our marriage is not perfect.  We don't always see eye to eye. We get on each other's nerves,  we bicker, we have bad days, and we've made each other cry, but we are WE. Two hearts that became one. No personal identity lost but meaning gained.

     Thank you God for putting him on my path to walk together and allowing me to be his WIFE.

Another day in our crazy house.

My oldest two babies went to visit their father in Texas on Tuesday. I never noticed how much they really entertained the younger three until today while my love was trying to nap cause he's working all night. A fox got to our female rabbit last night. While they are for meat that we have them, I'm glad none of the kids saw that mess. We went to the farmer's market this morning and got some wonderful fresh milk, cream, eggs, tomatoes, and some crocheted hand towels for the kitchen. I can't wait til we get back to the farm in Texas with our cows, horses, chickens, and rabbits. I'm going to miss the Clarksville area. We have made some wonderful friends here. I hope I will be able to say the same about the place we plan on settling down at.

Update!

The deployment is over and we have started the count down to the day that we are done with military life and move back to the family farm in Texas. Time for major buckling down.  We are also in the process of moving off post. We now have TWO horses and *hopefully* my mare is pregnant. My oldest two leave tomorrow to spend the summer with their dad :( I always miss them greatly. We have a nice large yard now. Its nice that the kids have a place to play and we are going to use the enclosed breeze way as our school room. Homeschooling is surely going to be an adventure next year but I'm excited. I'm taking my lit exam today so wish me luck. I have a strong conviction that we have an at home business,  but I'm not sure what to do yet and my love is hesitant. Pray that we find the direction that God has for us. I'm really hoping to spend next summer with my grandma learn some of the wonderful things she knows how to do. Their is so much we can learn from the people around us if we would just have the drive and commitment to learn it. Listening to my children play together and thinking about our future, if they don't gain anything else from me I hope the gain the want and drive to always yearn to better themselves.  I couldn't be more blessed to have such a great family and some wonderful friends.  I love them all.

Budget cuts, homeschooling, and compassion fatigue...

I am STRESSED! I really want this deployment to be over. It has been almost a month of sick kids back to back, financial disasters, and big attitudes. Now the military is taking major budget cuts. I get the money has to come from somewhere and we will survive no matter what happens, it is just making my life a lot harder right now. I really can't remember sleeping past 7am or showering before 8:30pm. I haven't had a down day in a long while. I really miss my partner in all this. I can't wait for the day when this deployment is over and we can close this chapter. I can't say everything has been bad about this deployment though. I have learned a lot about myself, my limitations, who is really a friend and who really doesn't matter. We've had deployment gremlins and we've had heavenly blessings all come our way. I'm just ready to not have to weather everything, the good and the bad, alone. The compassion fatigue is wearing on me bad. For now, we continue to wait...

The things that really matter

Sometimes we get so caught up in all the things that are really just busy work. I love the things I'm involved with and I was worried about letting people down since for the last two weeks I haven't been able to do much. We've had a lot of sick kids in the house that require my attention. I am more concerned with cuddling them and making sure they are as comfortable as they can be while sick. The adults that I was worried about letting down are grown-ups that should understand that my 1st priority is to my children that depend on me to meet their physical and mental needs, then to my husband who I promised to summit to and serve to the best of my ability. Then it is to my parents and grandma because with out them nothing we have been working towards would even be a thought. There is many things I love to devote my time and energy to, but we must place our priorities according to importance and learn to say no without stress or guilt. I love all the blessings God has given me even through the struggles such as this deployment.

A year and a half later

Hello ya'll it has been a long busy time. This little guy here is Thomas David and he just turned 8 months old. He is the newest addition to our family. So for the record we currently have 5 kids, 2 dogs, 1 cat, and a horse currently here in Kentucky with us. We also have 2 cows and several chickens at the farm in Texas with plans for another cow, meat rabbits, and if I get my way dairy goats. Life has been crazy! Several months ago my love deployed so it has just been me and the kids and the deployment grimlens and they have been naughty little boogers. However, lets not be negative here let us look at the positive things that have come to our lives since the last time we spoke. We finally have a plan! We have a goal as to what we are going to do at the end of our Army tunnel. I am scared and insecure about the future, but determind to make it work and find joy in it all. I am working on getting my vet tech certification and auto mechanic certificate at the same time! How cool is that! My oldest, Sara, is in girl scouts and we ARE homeschooling everyone next year. Boy am I excited about that! Michael, my love, will be working two jobs when he gets back if everything pans out. We need it so we can save up to pay for our house and his training for life in the civilian world. It will be here before we know it and we are really in the crunch time now.  I started an at home business selling jewelry and will be having my 1st product party on the 1st of March! I am really hoping it takes off. We really need it to work out for us. I know God will make a way for us. Hope ya'll have been well! Keep on smiling.