Teen rant

Ready for a rant??? Teen pregnancy! (I'll give some of y'all a moment to shutter or roll your eyes which ever you prefer) I'm very much an advocate of waiting until you are married. Teenagers should NOT being having sex. They are young, hormonal, and have NO idea what they are getting themselves into!!!!! For most teens it's really just the thrill of sneaking around and the possibility of getting caught. If this is some of you younger friend's on my Facebook take some advice here please. Take up a sport, hunting, off roading, rollerblading, hiking, zip lining, performing arts, something else. You will get so much more out of it. Most teenage relationships don't last and then you will just feel empty, used, and angry plus other possible consequences. Before anyone yells and stomps their feet at me... I did say most. Some people beat the odds, does the unconventional thing, and lives happily ever after... If that's you congratulations. Now I'm sure their will be that other person that reads this and goes. Whatever chick, you have no idea what you are talking about. I am a statistic. I came from an upper middle class family. I went to a decent school. I had great friends. I was involved in the school and sports. I was smart enough to have been able to pass with flying colors. I was however an angry rebellious teenager. I skipped school a lot, snuck out, stayed up late, and slept in a lot. You couldn't tell me anything or make me do anything that I didn't want to do. I got pregnant and had my first baby at 17. I dropped out of school. I was homeless. I worked in a bar then fast food. Had places to live and then didn't. Had no support system. Had a bad relationship. Had very few real friends. Had my second baby at 19. I finally got up the courage to change my life. I ended the bad relationship, worked my rear end off to fix the bridges I burned. I went home where I knew we would have a support system, a roof, beds, food, and clean clothes. I found real love. I also had the chance to finish high school at 21 while 7 months pregnant with my 3rd child. My kids and I got a second chance. I sat in that classroom a lot when I went back to school and found myself wanting to cry just listening to the younger students there. We were the "at risk" students. A lot of them really didn't know what that meant. They just knew that they had jobs that conflicted with school, or they were pregnant, or that they could hurry up and finish high school faster there so they didn't have to stay with their parents anymore who were always trying to tell them how to live their lives. They thought I was their ages 15-17. They thought I was pregnant with my first baby until one day I signed myself out of school to take my oldest daughter to the doctor then stopped by on the way back after leaving my cell phone there accidently. They were even shocked that I had two kids in tow, I could sign myself in and out of school, was divorced, and pregnant with my third child. It really through them for a loop. Then it threw me for one. Girls asking me how much I get for child support, who was my baby's daddy if I was divorced, if my parents took care of my kids while I was at school or work. And so many other questions. They were living in the land of milk and cookies. I envied them. They were going to graduate on time while mommy and daddy took care of their baby and supported them. They got jobs so they could go to the movies and buy name brand clothes. They were the fade that teen pregnancy had/has become. Regardless we were all a statistic. These people thought it was hard when they really had it made. I had some people I knew back then that had a different story though. They had a story a lot like mine. Sad, lonely stories of being abandoned, abused, hungry, homeless, no support, no help, it feels like drowning over and over again.I wish I could be now the support those girls needed back then. How different our lives would be if we had had that. Sometimes being a statistic hurts. I wish I had an actual education. I didn't value it back then. I would have stayed home and would have let my parents help me. I wouldn't have a lot of the issues I have had. I would have never know what it felt like to not eat for days so that I knew my children could eat. I would have never known what it feels like to live in your car when there is a few inches of snow on the ground.

The Lonely Pepsi

The Lonely Pepsi

For a week now there has been a single lonely pepsi sitting on the table in my dinning room... I clean daily, but just havent remove it. You see, no one that currently lives here drinks pepsi. I think I leave it there for memories sake. Such a trivial, insignificant thing most would think, but I kind of like it. 

The night of December 3rd was the last night Michael would be home before he had to go back to Afghanistan to do his job, his duty to our country and our family. We ate dinner that night standing around the small table while mom and the kids sat. Us sipping the drinks I made for him, Yoana, and myself, pineapple juice (yes heather you read that right pineapple juice, I bet I atleast got a smile out of you), orange juice, and coconut rum. Of course I was anticipating him leaving and my drink was stronger then everyone else. Michael had just sat his unopened pepsi down on the table when I appeared with our drinks. We ate and drank and then as we were finishing Yoana left to go pick up her brother from some sports thing... I think... It was ice cold that night.

As soon as Yoana left we retreated to the outdoor hot tub. Thank you mom for taking on all 3 of my darling little brats. I admire your courage lol. We spent probably a good hour playing in the water and enjoying each others company on our last night together until this summer when he returns to us. We laughed so much that night both our sides hurt. A few times he laughed so hard I was afraid he was going to go under and drown (not real). Then the propane heater got too hot and put a damper on our evening but even through shivering had fun daring each other to get out of the pool into the freezing cold air to check on the heater... lol I love you baby... he did it not me... brrrr... it was cold. 

We finally got out of the now cold water to snuggle up on the couch together with some hot chocolate and old episodes of the nanny until we fell asleep. 

He woke me at 3:30 am, telling me he had already finished packing his stuff into the truck and said his goodbye to the kids that it was time to go the airport to drop him off. Brainlessly still wearing my black CCC youth group shirt and gray boxers slipped on my moms ugly pink flip flops and climbed into the truck. We stopped for gas and then without speaking drove to the Harlingen airport. 

As we pulled into the airport it really hit me he was leaving again and I teared up. He sat in the parking lot looking at me for a few then kissed me and with a single tear escaping from his eye said remember baby I love only you and you have the hardest job in the Army, but you have to be strong for all of us. He kissed me again and said he had to go get his ticket and make it to his gate. I nodded and said I love you. Without any other words he grabbed his bag and left. I sat and watched him walk away. Every other time he left he never looked back, but this time as he reached the big arch in the opening of the ticket terminal he did, but only for a momment... I never felt his love more then right then when he simply looked back at me. I considered getting out and running up to him for one more hug. I knew it would only make it harder to watch him leave though. I broke down into a fit of tears and watched him walk all the way up to the ticket counter before driving away.

The lady at the parking lot exit asked me if I was ok as I handed her my parking ticket. I told her I just had to drop off my husband so that he could go back to Afghanistan. She looked sad as I said that and said Im so sorry, may God bless you both and tell him Thank you for me. I said I would and thanked her as I drove away. I drove by the Target that 2 week earlier he surprised me and Kayley at. It was the lonliest drive home, but I was filed with pride and love for my baby.

Upon returning home I was restless. almost 2 hours later after changing into his shirt and cuddling our daughter I finally fell asleep. Sara woke me 45mins later with a "Mama, where's Michael" "He had to go back to the Army baby" "Like Grampa and my uncle" "yes baby, but he went to Afghanistan not Iraq" "wheres that?" "far away baby" "mama dont cry I love you" I love you too baby" I leaned over to hug her and noticed his pepsi still sitting on the table from the night before. My mind replayed what it remembered took place the night before all centered around Michael's pepsi and I cried. 

We were so happy we got to see or talk to everyone we did while Michael was home and if we missed you I hope we get to see or hear from you next time we are all home together this summer. 

~JessyLynn 

I wrote this December 10, 2009